• Coach Kisha

A connection to LEARN and GROW...

As a woman who has experienced a toxic relationship for seven years, I wanted to write a blog about my experience and how this connection was a benefit to my growth. My toxic relationship was formed on a foundation of comfort, co-dependency and love... well, what I THOUGHT was love. Like a lot of relationships the beginning "Honeymoon stage" is always great and amazing. Within a few months, I started getting red flags, but I didn't care to notice them. I was too wrapped up into the newness and the "physical attraction" part of the connection. The thing about toxic relationships is they're designed to help us LEARN and GROW. It's as if we have to stay in the relationship (which is why I ignored the red flags at the beginning) until THE LESSONS THAT NEED TO BE LEARNED ARE LEARNED.

When it comes to toxic relationships one or maybe both people tend to lose themselves within the connection. One or both people will put the other's needs before their own. A lot of arguing and fighting over the same issues, insecurities, and jealousy can happen as well. One or both people can become controlling and or co-dependent upon each other which causes a connection to be based on conditional love. In my toxic relationship I was the one who lost myself. I forgot about what I wanted out of a relationship and to do the things that made me happy. I forgot to take care of my needs because I was too busy trying to fix him and take care of his needs. In the process of losing myself, I wasn't able to realize that I was putting myself second. I had to experience this toxic relationship and LOSE MYSELF TO FIND MYSELF. I had to rediscover who I was in the process and learn SELF-LOVE and acceptance to understand what I truly deserved. My toxic relationship brought awareness to many challenges that resulted in me lacking SELF-WORTH, not setting healthy boundaries and not knowing when to choose what's best for me. These are all lessons that I needed to and learned when it was all over. My toxic relationship taught me lessons and showed me what I DON'T want. The connection taught me how NOT to give away my personal power just to stay in a relationship. This is why toxic relationships are good to experience. They help you discover and expose the parts of you that need to be healed and the areas that you need to learn and grow in.

Eventually, I was able to overcome my toxic connection. I had to stay blind long enough until I started becoming aware of all the repetitive issues and unhappiness which made me realize that something needed to change. By the time this awareness set in a lot of heartache, emotional pain, and damage had already been done. This was all part of the process. The heartache and pain helped the love and emotional attachment fade, and it also gave me the courage to choose what's best for me when leaving the relationship. Learning the lessons is what helped me evolve into now knowing what I want from a relationship. I had grown enough to be able to let go and move on. In the end, experiencing my toxic relationship helped me to evolve into a better version of myself. A version of myself that couldn't have manifested if it wasn't for this experience.


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